


Lost and Found

by nightberrypearl



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 06:36:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightberrypearl/pseuds/nightberrypearl
Summary: Jonghyun is a game streamer and Minhyun is his ex-boyfriend who persistently leaves comments in his live chats, hoping that Jonghyun would see them by chance.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> All those comments Minhyun left during Jonghyun's birthday vlive really made me crack up, and that 'why aren't you reading my comments' really got me and it just scream 'clingy ex boyfriend au' to me, so here we are.
> 
>  
> 
> 나로 아플 거라면  
> 차라리 날 잊으세요  
> (If you're going to be in pain because of me,  
> I'd rather you forget me)
> 
> \--- Universe (Hwang Minhyun)

Jonghyun tried to not pay attention to certain comments, he really did, but after years of conditioning himself to pay attention whenever he saw the words “Hwang Minhyun”, it was hard not to focus on the comments that Minhyun would leave in his live chats.

“You guys want to watch me play Sims 4?” Jonghyun asked his audience, pointedly reading around the ‘I miss you’ that Minhyun had just sent.

“You know I can barely take care of myself and you want to watch me try and take care of other people?” He laughed when his chat blew up with laughing face emojis and teasing jabs about the messy state of the room behind him.

“Hey, don’t judge me for the state of my room!” he protested, playing up the indignance, “making my bed every morning isn’t exactly a priority with exams coming up.”

The chat room filled with more laughs and the occasional fan telling him they were going to hit something if he kept pouting at the camera as he did. He smiled shyly at those.

_‘You’re so cute Jonghyun-ah’_

His smile dropped slightly.

_‘I’ll organise your sheets for you.’_

Amid a sea of laughing emojis, Minhyun’s comments stood out. Jonghyun swallowed drily before moving on to read other comments.

He chatted with his audience for another 10 minutes or so, enjoying the time and catching everyone up on how he was doing. It always amused him whenever he disappeared for a few days and then the next time he logged back onto twitter; his followers were all but ready to start a search patrol to see if he was still alive.

He hadn’t intended the stream to take too long so he ended it shortly after. He ended the stream before he had to see another comment from Minhyun telling him that he loves him.

\\\\\

_‘Jonghyun-ah’_

He answered someone’s question about what he had eaten that day.

_‘Jonghyun-ah it’s me’_

He scanned the chat for other comments to read.

_‘Jonghyun-ah I miss you’_

He turned away from the chat and opened a new game lobby. As the lobby began to fill with people, he chanced a look back to the chat and regretted it when he eyes immediately homed in on the one comment he didn’t want to see.

_‘Jonghyun-ah your hair looks cool’_

He teasingly taunted his audience, boasting that none of them would be able to beat him in this round of Mario Kart. Unlike all the previous rounds he had already played.

_‘Why aren’t you reading my comments’_

Jonghyun minimised his chat screen and focused on the race.

\\\\\

Jonghyun flopped back onto his unmade bed after having just turned off his computer after his latest streaming session. He stretched his arms above his head before letting them drop to his sides. He lay on his bed, doing nothing but stare at his plain ceiling. He was ready to just fall asleep right then and there but when his eyelids drooped shut, all he saw behind them was Minhyun’s face on that day before he left for university for the first time a few months ago.

 

_“It’s exciting isn’t it Jonghyun-ah? Finally going to university… it feels like only yesterday we started high school.”_

_Jonghyun hummed as they ambled along the pavement under the warm glow of the setting sun._

_“Ahhh I’m going to miss you so much Jonghyun-ah, I hope you’re prepared to have me visiting you at every and any possible opportunity.” Minhyun slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer into his side._

_Under normal circumstances, Jonghyun would have happily let himself be dragged into Minhyun’s warmth and would have wound his own arm around Minhyun’s waist in return, but this wasn’t a normal circumstance._

_Hesitantly, Jonghyun shucked off Minhyun’s arm from his shoulder before stepping forward and turning to face Minhyun. Minhyun stopped in his tracks, staring at Jonghyun curiously. The intensity of Minhyun’s gaze almost made Jonghyun not say what he had been planning to say. He diverted his eyes down to their feet, knowing that if he kept up the eye contact, his resolve would crumble. He had to do this._

_‘Minhyun-ah… I think we should break up.’_

 

With every comment that Minhyun left him during his streams, he was haunted by the tears that had pooled in Minhyun’s eyes, by the devastation that shone through the tears.

 

_‘You’re joking with me, aren’t you? Jonghyun-ah? This is just a prank isn’t it?’ The borderline hysteria in Minhyun's voice made him want to agree that yes, it was all just a bad joke, but he swallowed those words and instead shook his head._

_‘I’m sorry Minhyun.’_

Perhaps he should have told Minhyun that he wanted to break up because he had fallen out of love instead. Maybe then Minhyun would have found it in him to hate Jonghyun enough to move on. It would have been a lie though, and maybe it was because he did still love Minhyun that he couldn’t bring himself to break his heart so much.

It didn’t stop him from hurting him anyway though.

‘It was for the best’. That was what he told himself. The days leading up to their last day together, he repeated the phrase like a mantra, trying to convince himself that it was the truth. He fought with the voice in his head telling him that it didn’t need to be this way, shoving these words at those thoughts until they were but a dull hum in the back of his mind.

It wasn’t until the tears were pouring down his own face as he left Minhyun alone on the empty street, head ducked and tremoring, that those thoughts flooded back to him, screaming at him that he had made a mistake, that he would come to regret this.

He did regret it. So very much. But it was for the best.

It was for the best.

\\\\\

Jonghyun’s first semester came to an end after what felt like forever. He was glad to be able to go home and rest. It had been a draining couple of months that had led him into taking a short hiatus from his streaming towards the end. His followers had been understanding and supportive, flooding his comments sections with words of encouragement.

_‘Good luck Jonghyun-ah, I believe in you’_

He frowned when that particular comment flitted back into his mind. He screwed up his face and tried to shake the thought from his mind as he trudged around the corner onto his street.

So concerned with ridding his mind of all thoughts of Minhyun, he didn’t even notice that the person in question was in front of him until he looked back up and found himself meeting Minhyun’s wide-eyed gaze.

“Oh. Minhyun.”

The corners of Minhyun’s lips curled up for the briefest moment before any semblance of a smile disappeared from his face.

“Jonghyun… it’s been a while.”

A long while. It had been months since he had last seen or heard any trace of Minhyun. Had he not spend years when they were still just best friends, and then all the time when they were more than that, committing Minhyun’s face to memory, he might not have been able to recall it in such vivid detail every waking moment of his life for the past few months.

Minhyun’s voice sounded strained as he spoke, it wasn’t quite the smooth and mellow voice that Jonghyun had previously found comfort in.

“How have you been?”

“Okay.” _Lies._ “You?”

“Okay.” Minhyun said, throwing his words back at him with a shrug of his shoulders. “Though I’ve been better.”

The ever-present guilt that had settled in the pit of Jonghyun’s stomach since _that day_ began to bubble back up.

“Are you still doing the streaming?”

 _‘Don’t act like you don’t know.’_ Jonghyun wanted to say but that would be acknowledging everything that he had been working hard to ignore.

“I’m taking a break for a bit.”

Minhyun hummed and nodded, clearly pretending that this was new information.

No-one said anything more and the silence was awkward in a way it had never been with them before. It was uncomfortable and suffocating. It made Jonghyun want to run but at the same time, his limbs were frozen stiff, and his feet were firmly planted into the pavement. His eyes veered off towards where his house was. He wondered how many seconds it would take him if he bolted towards it, how quickly he could make it back to the sanctuary of his room – away from this exchange that was eating into every single last scrap of resolve that he had managed to cling onto.

“I’ve missed you Jonghyun-ah.”

 _‘No, you can’t – please don’t say these things to me.’_ Jonghyun’s heart whimpered as Minhyun’s words chipped away at the fragile wall he had managed to cobble together around it.

“I… I know.” He sighed, resigned to telling him at least this truth. “I read your comments.”

“Oh.” Minhyun didn’t even try to conceal his surprise. “I didn’t think you paid them any attention.”

“I thought you would have gotten bored and stopped.”

The ‘and moved on’ was left unspoken, but Minhyun heard it loud and clear nonetheless.

“I’ve never been much into giving up.”

“You always were stubborn.”

He didn’t mean for it to come out so _fond_ but it did. His mood turned suddenly sombre when he reminded himself that he couldn’t do that anymore. He wasn’t _allowed_ to be fond anymore.

“You were meant to forget about me.” Minhyun was meant to forget and move on. He was meant to continue to live his life, not having to worry about what Jonghyun was doing, if Jonghyun was eating enough, or getting enough sunlight.

Minhyun scoffed.

“Even if I had wanted to, I could never.”

Jonghyun felt the wall around his heart crumble a bit more, sending debris tumbling down in clouds of dust.

“You were my best friend for years before we ever dated. I still consider you my best friend even if you don’t think I’m yours”

_Stop._

“None of that goes away easily, Jonghyun-ah. Does it?”

His gaze was looking anywhere but at Minhyun, but he could feel the latter boring holes into him with his stare.

“No, it doesn’t.” He admitted quietly, barely loud enough for Minhyun to hear.

His response was met with another period of silence. Jonghyun wondered if Minhyun was just going to let the conversation drop and they could be on their way – their separate ways.

Minhyun didn’t do that.

“Why did we have to break up?” Minhyun’s voice was almost just as quiet as Jonghyun’s had been moments earlier.

“I told you why.” His voice shook as Minhyun steered them towards the conversation Jonghyun so dearly wished they weren’t about to have.

“No,” Minhyun sighed, running a hand through his hair “you told me why _you thought_ we should, not why we had to.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

Minhyun sighed again.

“Sometimes I think you know me better than anyone else, better than I know myself, but then sometimes… it’s like you don’t get me at all.” There was a edge of frustration in the way Minhyun spoke.

“I wanted to make things work – to make _us_ work despite the distance – but you said we should end it.”

Jonghyun clenched his fists as the memory of Minhyun’s eyes pleading with him resurfaced.

“I never had been able to deny you anything.”

Jonghyun saw the way Minhyun lowered his head and let his shoulders droop. He looked so small in that moment that it hurt for Jonghyun to look at him. This wasn’t Minhyun, Minhyun wasn’t ever supposed to look so small and hurt and so _lost_.

“I know you thought it would be better like this, that I would be better off, but honestly, these past few months have been almost unbearable.”

After cutting off all communication with Minhyun, Jonghyun had tried to fool himself into believing that Minhyun was just fine without him. Minhyun, who had always been the more sociable one of the two of them, the one who people just naturally gravitated towards, he would be fine. However, now that he was finally stood before him again and looking right at him, seeing the dark circles that Minhyun didn’t used to have, the hollow cheeks and far _too_ prominent cheek bones, Jonghyun didn’t need to have known Minhyun for years to know that the latter wasn’t as ‘okay’ as he had said.

“I’m sorry.” It was a pathetic response. No number of apologies could come close to righting his wrongs. No amount of apologising could make up for how much he hurt someone he loves so deeply, regardless of what his intentions were.

Minhyun shook his head gently. “You don’t have to apologise. I know you felt like this was what you had to do.”

“I still love you Jonghyun-ah, I know you know that.”

Jonghyun exhaled shakily and tried to keep his hands from shaking too visibly.

“And I think you still love me too.”

It wasn’t even a question because of course Jonghyun still loved him and of course Minhyun would know. Minhyun always had understood Jonghyun the best – all the while Jonghyun himself seemed to just get things all wrong.

He clamped his eyes shut, trying to keep any tears at bay.

“I just…” Minhyun continued, “is there any chance that we can still make this work?”

Jonghyun almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Minhyun had given him his heart and he had thrown it away, yet Minhyun was still here asking if they could do it all over again.

He didn’t deserve the second chance that Minhyun was offering him. For all the pain and the heartache that he had put them both through, he had never allowed himself to wallow in it. After all, it had been his fault he was heartbroken; he didn’t get to pity himself for his own bad decisions.

But he could feel the walls he had hurriedly built around his heart crumbling with every second that ticked by. Every shaky breath he took made the already widening cracks fracture into deeper fractals.

He thought back to the words that someone he loves once said to him.

_“You can’t always live for others, Jonghyun-ah. Sometimes it’s okay to live for yourself. It’s okay to be a little selfish.”_

And that’s what taking Minhyun’s offer was really, wasn’t it? Being a little selfish. Taking what his heart wanted.

He took one more deep breath and the wall around his heart crumbled to dust.

He opened his eyes and look right into Minhyun’s eyes with a new sense of courage.

He nodded.

“Y-yes, I’d like that a lot.”

He was glad that he opened his eyes when he got to witness the spark of life return to Minhyun’s eyes along with his unrestrained smile.

Minhyun didn’t waste anymore time before stepping forwards and engulfing Jonghyun in a tight hug. Jonghyun felt Minhyun’s arms snake around his waist and he wound his own around Minhyun’s torso as he buried his head into Minhyun’s shoulder.

Jonghyun felt himself relax into Minhyun’s embrace, feeling more at peace than any moment in the past few months.

At last, it felt like he made the right decision.

“I’ve missed you Jonghyun-ah.” Minhyun confessed once again.

“I’ve missed you too Minhyunnie.” He finally let himself admit.

They still had things that they definitely needed to talk through, hearts to patch up and heal, before things could go back to being as good as they had been, but this was a start. It was a step in the right direction and now it was time for them to put one foot in front of the other, to take things one step at a time and continue to walk on in this new direction together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think what tickles me the most about this fic is that except for that last comment that I came up with, they're all things Minhyun actually sent to Jonghyun. What a dork XD
> 
> As always, kudos and comments keep me going and are super appreciated :)))
> 
> Catch me lurking around here:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nightberrypearl)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/nightberrypearl)
> 
> See you at the next fic~~~


End file.
